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Happy Birthday Thomas Alexander Graham Bell!

Why is today important? Good question, it is Thomas Alexander Graham Bell Barsi’s birthday.

I’ll admit, I wanted him to be born on the 13th, but he was a scheduled c-section and my doctor asked if I had lost my mind? He informed me he was not scheduling work on a Saturday, fair enough.

So son, today is the day the world gets to hear about the day you were born. Your great grandpa Wells came to town to take care you your brother and sister while your dad and I headed to the hospital. Later on that day your Granny Dee joined him.

We arrived at the hospital and the nurse asked if you were our first baby due to the way your dad and I were acting. Excited, happy, like it was the first time we had been there for this event. We told her no, it was not and she said by the time people are having their 4th child they didn’t act like that. It was old news to some I guess, but you were special, we knew you would be the last to join the gang as it were.

You were born without complications and from the start you were happy go lucky. 

You were a fat happy baby, so happy that your sister used to call you sunshine face.

You were such an easy going baby, in the sense that loud noises did not bother you (good thing with the loudness of all of us). So easy going I thought you were deaf at one point. You were not and your pediatrician thought I was crazy.

All of that to say I loved you from the minute I found out about you, I loved you when you were born, I loved you even when you probably thought I didn’t. 

I am so proud of the man you have become, the family you and your wife have created. 

I hope this birthday is the best one yet, especially with your own sunshine face in the family.

You have a beautiful family and I am grateful every day that you allow me to be part of your family’s life. 

Happy Birthday son!

Love mom

Granny Dee with your brother and sister waiting for you!
Your First Christmas
you at one
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A little life update

I’m having a rough time. After radiation on Friday I am incredibly congested (was a little before Friday, after exponentially worse) and am having coughing fits like crazy. Plus last night a headache that would not quit. I slept on the sofa for most of the night. I honestly thought I might have to call an Uber or ambulance because it was getting hard to breathe.

But then the meds kicked in and I moved to the bedroom. Woke up drenched in sweat due to the estrogen blocker throwing me back into menopause. It’s been a ride, not a fun one.

Oh fun fact, last night Ronald and Spoolin would not leave my side and Stormie was right under me on the floor.

This is not for the faint of heart, oh and I’ve lost my appetite, literally nothing looks good I can’t even drink coffee. I just want a cold drink, I tried eating soup, I love soup, I had maybe half of the bowl and that was it.

I do need to lose weight so that part might end up being good.

My last radiation treatment is Friday, I’m hoping I can heal cough wise before Wednesday. That is my next appointment then just one more. I wonder if I’ll get to ring the bell, I hear that’s kind of a big deal. But what do I know.

I’ll be honest, the surgery was terrible, I still have pain from that and it’s been roughly a month and a half. I do not wish that kind of pain on anyone.

It was suggested I get a medical grade bra, it was stupid expensive and hurt like crazy. The material was super stiff and it didn’t matter how many times I washed it, it never softened.

Save yourself some money and just get a few sports bras.

I feel very blessed it could have been much worse, the tumor was small and they believe they got it all. Radiation is just a precaution. The surgical oncologist said it was about a 4 percent chance of returning. Always a bright side.

Writing all of this out is actually making me feel better mentally.

Oh and the entire staff of Baylor Scott and White have been incredibly phenomenal. Not one single complaint. Highly suggest if you ever find yourself in this situation.

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Happy Anniversary to Me

Yesterday was my anniversary, twenty nine years, the longest, most successful relationship I’ve ever sustained.

And no it is not my imaginary relationship with Dean Cain, in fact it is not even a romantic relationship nor a familial relationship.

It is a work relationship, yesterday marks 29 years with the large telecommunications corporation I am employed at.

It’s been a wild ride, I’ve seen so many changes, some good, some not so good, some groundbreaking.

Let me start by saying I am extremely grateful for the opportunities this job has afforded not only myself but also my children.

As a single mother of three this job enable us to live in a neighborhood where my children could attend good schools.

It afforded me the opportunity to not stay stagnant in one position. I was given the opportunity to move to different positions within said corporation, each with higher pay and training for a more technical position.

I am grateful for not only the opportunities, but also the lifelong friendships I have made.

This relationship has given me more than I can ever imagine.

Especially now, with the benefits it has afforded myself, I can recover from surgery in peace, from the insurance I have to the short term disability that the union fought for.

I can also rest easy knowing my continued treatment will be covered and I can heal. I know I buried the lead again.

Cancer is expensive, so many doctors and so many treatments. I am grateful I can go through this and not have to worry about other things.

So happy anniversary to me in regards to my most successful relationship to date!

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Good Question

Title. What should the title of this be. I don’t know, I don’t know a lot these days. Some people already know this, some I tried to call so they wouldn’t see it online first. But here we are, with me having something to say and yet not wanting to burden anyone.

I debated long and hard before telling my children, I don’t like to intrude in their lives. I want them to live knowing they are burden free when it comes to me.

Then again I know it would have hurt them if I didn’t tell them, so I told them, then my sister.

Go get a mammogram they say, nothing like early detection they say. So I went, every year, not a thought going towards anything but negative results.

January 30th, go in, no big deal, then February 2, they call and say oh there’s something suspicious, we need you to come back.

Still not a thought of anything but a negative result. Then a call back saying we need to do a biopsy.

Things are slightly more realish, so I go in for a biopsy.

Then comes the news, they found cancer in my left breast and a benign tumor in the right.

Everyone keeps asking me how I feel. I literally feel nothing. Not anger, not sadness, not worry.

In Philippians 4:6-9 we are specifically instructed not to worry. “

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 

7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  8Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 

9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

I rarely ever worry about anything that is beyond my control. This is beyond my control, no worries, I was referred to an oncologist that came highly recommended.

I will say I am confused, I honestly thought God was done putting me through tough situations. I guess past horribleness doesn’t count.

Sometimes I wonder what it is like to have a life that has never known strife or tribulation or just terrible times.

But then I’m reminded of everything God has done for me and if I didn’t know Jesus how those tough situations would have taken me completely down.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, I really don’t want to lose my hair, but better my hair than my life. I have a lot to live for.

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Happy Birthday Elizabeth Anne!!

Happy Birthday to my favorite daughter!! I know, you’re thinking, um only daughter. Doesn’t matter, still my favorite daughter!

I’m always so proud of you, I’m proud of your accomplishments, tenacity, work ethic and family loyalty.

I know I say every year that I prayed for a daughter like you. God gave me exactly what I prayed for. A healthy, beautiful, dark haired, dark eyed little girl.

They say be careful of what you pray for, God might give it to you. I did pray, He did answer, and I have NEVER regretted that prayer.

You’re an amazing daughter, more than any mother could ever want.

Happy Birthday Izzy Anne, I love you so much!

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Happy Anniversary Foy and Odela

Today is the day, the day that started everything in our family. The day that Foy John Testerman took Odela Mae Allen as his lawfully wedded wife. The day she took him as her lawfully wedded husband.

Did they wait until they were financially stable to get married? No. It was during one of this nations worst financial crisis it had ever seen. The Great Depression was going on, there was no money, Oklahoma was officially a dust bowl. Red dust everywhere, but in Love County Oklahoma there was magic.

A tale as old as time, a pure, old fashioned love story was unfolding, one that had been 15 years in the making. You see Odela had been in love with Foy since she was 5 years old and he was 7 years old. It just took him a little bit longer to come to his senses.

He had to travel to California and back to realize the best thing ever has been right in his own backyard all along. They started a family, first Jimmy then Nell (Linnie Nell, officially) then Jesse. Then many years later, after their own children were grown and they had grandchildren they took on the last child, Angie. That’s me.

Their love knew no bounds, they gave freely to their children, grand-children and great grandchildren. Their neighbors, friends and church family would also expeirence their generosity of spirit.

I often think back to that house 5 miles outside of Owasso, Oklahoma, where I learned what family really meant. I wish I could go back for just a few hours and sit with them and tell them what they did for me has carried on, their legacy can be seen with all of us.

From their oldest grandson, the first, who willingly gave to this country by joining the Air Force, serving with honor. I hope he knows how proud of him his grandparents were.

I wish I could tell them about my children and how they turned out as adults, I know my dad would have loved to have seen his granddaughter carry on the Testerman legacy of taming wild beasts. I know he would love to have seen my boys grow up to own their own businesses and become fathers themselves.

He would have been thrilled to see twins in the family again, since he, himself, was a twin. Oh how he and mom would have laughed at the antics of those girls, the Agents of Chaos.

I know they have met their sons at the gates of heaven, celebrated eternal life with them, and are waiting for us all to join them one day.

I wish I could go back and tell them how much I have loved being adopted by them, how much I love my sister, Nell, their only daughter until I showed up.

I wish I could tell them how grateful I am to this day that they got married, persevered, raised their family then had so much love left over they included me in their circle.

I wish I could tell the world how much of their life was dedicated to Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. How they lived every single day as an example of how Christianity should look.

Happy Anniversary Foy and Odela I hope you are celebrating in Heaven and that you have coconut cake!

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Incredulous

The past two weeks have been filled with jaw dropping moments. In terms of work, for those of you that don’t know, I work for a major telecommunications corporation, doing advanced tech support. The customers that call in for assistance are for the most part lovely, then you have the ones that are, well, not so much.

Let me ask you this, when you set up security information and can’t remember what you set up do you become angry with the person asking you to verify your information? If the answer is yes, the question is why?

Last week a woman called, I answered, I asked for the 4 digit code to unlock her account. She angrily stated she didn’t know it, I said no worries you created a security question for just this purpose. She began to scream she didn’t know the answer, at this point I hadn’t even asked the question. I tried to be the voice of reason, ma’am if you want to guess most people get the answer with a guess. She began to yell, I do look to see if she had given any other options to obtain access to the account. She had not, no email I could sent a one time code to, no cell phone number I could text a one time code to.

I explain (a little too gleefully at this point) she would have to take her ID and go to a corporate store and have them reset her security information. She then screamed she was going to sue the company I work for and hung up.

I was incredulous, sue the company because YOU cannot remember the information YOU set up. I want to be in that courtroom. No, I want to be on that jury.

I’ll never understand when someone gets angry with the person doing their job to keep their account information secure.

When I retire I am not going to miss being yelled at.

On the flip side I had a lovely couple call in that could not remember their security information, the difference, they had given us options to authenticate with. I was able to utilize the information and reset their information in under 5 minutes. They were adorable joking about their bad memories and how at least one was supposed to have remembered.

They did not get angry, did not yell, just had a sense of humor about the situation and I was happy to assist.

My best advice when calling for help, don’t be a donkey.

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The woman who shouldn’t exist

The other day I was having a conversation with my cousin/nephew. Cousin by blood, nephew by adoption, mine. Anyway, I made the comment that I was never supposed to have been with someone. As in I was never meant to have a great love in my life. I belt stunned him.

Allow me to explain, I was never supposed to exist. My biological mother had four children, she should have had none. I was number four and the result of something bad happening to her.

I was not wanted and shouldn’t have existed in a perfect world. I think God looked down when o was born and said dang she wasn’t supposed to happen but here we are.

I have been alone since then, oh my grandparents loved me but if I’m being honest, I was a burden to two elderly people. Then for roughly 7 years I lived in literal hell. My biological mother took me away to live with her and her husband. Let’s just say it was proven then that God did not hold me in high regard.

But then when I was 12 I was rescued, I had parents, siblings, a family. God took pity on me.

Then I married, I believe that angered God, because I was meant to be alone. After my son died I think He took pity on me. I got to have my beautiful three children.

Then I was a single mother, a statistic, but I was finally what I was supposed to be, alone.

I do meet someone and actually got engaged, once again, not what God wanted. It was disaster. He was horrible.

Thank goodness that ended.

This walk down memory lane really made me think about not being one of God’s favorites. It reminded me of a Star Trek episode, the one where they are sent back in time and they have to beam a pilot aboard because they damaged his plane. Spock tells Kirk that they can’t send him back. He’s done a historical search and this man is not remarkable. He’s ordinary and contributes nothing to society.

The man is stunned and you can tell the life goes out of his eyes. Ordinary, unremarkable, contributes nothing. As a kid I didn’t understand that, as an adult I feel that keenly.

But here’s the flip side, later in the episode Spock tells Kirk they have to send him back. His son does something remarkable and contributes to society in a meaningful way.

It’s that part, I’m unremarkable but my children are not. They are extraordinary, amazing and my son’s children are extraordinary and amazing!

That’s why God allowed me to have them, so they could make a difference.

I’ve always known that I’m God’s joke, when He needs a laugh He looks in on my broken life and laughs. The perfidy of a human, thinking they matter when they don’t.

I do look at other people’s lives who are clearly in God’s favorites and wonder what that feels like.

My parents were some of God’s favorites. That doesn’t mean they had an easy life, quite the opposite. They grew up in a tough era in Oklahoma and our country. But they had each other, I often wonder what that would have been like. To have someone to share burdens with, share responsibilities with. Sometimes I wonder how I was singled out to not have that type favor. Then I remember, I wasn’t supposed to exist.

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Happy Birthday Jeffrey Andrew!

40 years. It’s been 40 years since you made your debut on this earth. Time has flown by, it never slows down and here is the proof.

I still remember the day you were born so clearly. It was a sunny, hot day in Oklahoma. it was a morning filled with hope, joy and a modicum of fear.

You were perfect, with the exception of the fluid on your lungs. 5 days of uncertainty, with you in the NICU, a doctor telling me that you would never play sports and would always have lung problems.

There have been so many times over the years that I wanted to find that doctor and show him how wrong he was.

After those 5 days you were healthy and happy, and a butterball of a baby. Your smile was infectious and your laugh was a balm.

I love you so much son, I hope you know how proud of you I am. You’re an incredible son, brother, father, man.

Happy Birthday I hope it’s your best one yet!

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Happy Birthday Thomas Alexander Graham Bell!!

I know I don’t write that often anymore, however, I cannot let one of my children’s birthday go by without documenting it here!

I know I tell this story almost every year but the day you were born was amazing. It’s no secret I wanted to have you on the 13th (a good luck day in our family) but my doctor looked at me like I was crazy. That was a Saturday and you were a scheduled C-section. He said no matter how much he liked a patient, unless it was an emergency, he was not coming in on a Saturday.

So the 12th it was, it was sunny and beautiful, a perfect Texas day. Your dad and I were so happy and he was making dad jokes. The nurse asked if this was our first child. We said no and she said we acted like it was. Usually by the time most parents are on that 4th child, yes, we included Michael in that count, they are tired and resigned to another baby.

We were happy to welcome you into our world, it didn’t matter that you were a surprise baby. You were very much wanted and welcomed.

From the start you had an infectious smile and then laugh. You woke with such a big smile that your sister dubbed you mister Sunshine Face.

I do hope you know how much you are loved. I love watching you be a father to your own children. You have grown into an incredible man. I’m so proud of you.

You have a beautiful family, you have earned every ounce of happiness you have in your life.

I love you son, Happy Birthday!