The Cliff

So yesterday it was back to the ENT to try and figure out why I can’t smell anything, well I can smell it if it is very strong and right in front of me. This has been going on for over two months now and is getting a little ridiculous. They put me on a round of steroids; he said that he believed the nerve was damaged due to the antibiotics. He even said he thought I would end up cancelling my next appointment because my sense of smell had returned. It did not; it didn’t even get a little better. Yesterday they tell me that I will now need a CT scan on my head. Finally! I will get to see what is going on in there, because I gotta tell you that even I am not so sure all the time.
So many thoughts swirl around in my brain, that at times it is hard to silence them so I can sort everything out. And I really need to sort some things out these days; it is a jumbled mess up there and doesn’t seem to be getting better. I am usually very good at figuring my life out; everything is black and white, cut and dry. But these days’ areas of grey are seeping in and I find myself confused. I wish I were as good at taking my own advice as I am at doling it out. I seem to be very wise when it comes to others but when it comes to me I am an idiot.
I don’t like to think of myself as a hard person, but I know I am tough, I bark orders like a drill sergeant, my dad even used to tell me that. I have always had a forceful personality, I do not cry, well very rarely, just at things like Ice loves Coco, not at the real life stuff. If you wrong me I can cut you off in a heartbeat, so why am I having problems now? life is funny, throwing you curve balls, just when you think the path is straight, your life is all figured out, you know exactly what you will be doing until you die, at the age of 110, the road not only curves, it is now on a precipice, you wonder, should I just jump or wait for the parachute?
That is where I am at now, the precipice, of course I cannot tell you what that is, and what I am jumping away from or will I jump into it? Only time will tell.

3 Replies to “The Cliff”

  1. You can see all the way until you are 110? Wow. I can barely see next year!
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    If you really can, see where the current road is headed based on where you are now. If you can wait for the parachute, then do so. If not… Thelma and Louise it!
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    And no, I will not be Louise to your Thelma. Or vice versa, so don’t ask.

  2. While I am sure some people would be glad if I went off a cliff in a convertable, I think my son would object most strenuously. Going to have to pass.

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