Apr 26, 2015 - General    No Comments

Skinny Rant

I want to be skinny. There, it’s out, my big secret, I feel so much better. (Does anyone but me feel the sarcasm in that last statement?) I have never hidden the fact that being skinny is my main objective in life. It has been since I was born, I say born because I, honestly, not remember a time I didn’t want to be skinny. I was a chubby kid, a chubby teenager, well, until about 16, then I was ok. Just ok, not skinny.

I grew up in an era where skinny, thin, beautiful women ruled the world. My best friend was even one of those creatures. It was not a good time to grow up chubby.

I have battled my weight my entire life. It’s like God said I’m giving you a brain and a nice speaking voice but the rest of it, you’re on your own. Good luck kiddo.

Battle it I have, one time, in high school, I ate nothing but celery for an entire month. To this day I cannot just eat a stalk of celery by itself. It’s traumatic, I have flashbacks.

When people try and admonish me for wanting to be skinny I very literally roll my eyes. I want to say you have never been me, you don’t know what it is to be the fat one in a friendship or the fat one in a relationship for that matter. For some odd reason, I am only attracted to thin men. I am a total glutton for punishment. Being married to someone who can eat whatever they want whenever they want was torture. Having children who are the same way was nightmarish. Although I would like to interject here, I am beyond thrilled they will never know the absolute heart wrenching pain I go through on a daily basis.

I work hard and deprive myself of all the things I love. All because I do not want to be 300 pounds or more.

I love sitting, I love puffy Cheetos, I love sweets and chocolate with a passion. I really miss diet coke and movie popcorn dripping in fake movie butter, throw in some milk duds and my head might explode. I cried a little just writing that.

So, before you decide to tell someone, who states they want to be skinny, be happy with yourself, perhaps think about it. I will never be happy with the way I look from the neck down.

I will say I a very happy with myself from the neck up, I am pretty, not beautiful, not gorgeous, but pretty, in a completely old, country kind of way. I clean up really well with the right lighting and makeup.

Being skinny is my goal, I will never achieve it because I have super fat thighs and they just are not going anywhere. Oh and while I am on this topic, I do not, in any way, shape, form or fashion want a big butt. I would very much like my hips, thighs, buttocks, stomach, calves, arms and chest to just disappear. I am sure the Irishman would agree, I completely can tell he is tired of living with someone who looks the way I do.

 

 

 

Apr 25, 2015 - General    No Comments

Happiness Rant

I have to say nothing irritates me more than seeing the word happy flung around. Do what makes you happy, happiness is all that matters in this world. What a load of cock, I’d say the other word, but I don’t in life so I won’t here.

If I did what makes me happy I would live on puffy Cheetos, drink diet coke and stalk Dean Cain all over the world. I choose to do the right thing, I choose to do things that give me great joy, happiness is such a human word, a human emotion, and it is fleeting.

Joy is eternal, having a joyous soul gives one the unique ability to overcome trials and tribulations of an earthly nature. Happiness can be punctured, can be effected by the outside world.

I am not saying don’t be happy, there are a great many things that I am happy about, and they are all human things and can be taken away at any given moment. Certain television shows make me happy, they can be taken away at the whim of a network executive.

Whenever I see the memes or words of people saying the only thing that matters in this world is happiness so do what makes you happy I want to literally scream.

When the bible was translated into English, there was no happy in it, men put that word in there, joyous, joy, blessed, those were the words used.

Jesus did not promise us great happiness if we followed him, he promised great joy, he also told us we would be persecuted, ridiculed, but to stand fast in our faith. Our faith, not our happiness, so there we have it folks, faith, hope and love these are the things that are left and of these three, love is the greatest. Love gives us faith and hope and great joy, look beyond mere happiness, find your joy, find your hope, find your faith and you will have your blessings, in abundance.

The blessings may not be what you think happiness is, it may be something entirely different, you will never know until you give up the inane pursuit of happiness and look towards something beyond.

If I had not stepped out in faith by accepting my Aunt Odela’s offer to come to Owasso, I would never have had a real mother and father. I would never know the joy of being a real daughter, I would never have known the joy of having a friendship that has spanned 38+ years. I would never have known the joy of being a mother to the best children ever.

Stepping out on faith gives us joy, not happiness, once again, not saying don’t be happy, there are many earthly things that give me happiness. But they can be taken away at any given time, joy cannot.

 

 

Apr 23, 2015 - General    No Comments

Humble Opinion

Someone posted a provocative question on Facebook, are we all replaceable? Interesting question, I was always taught yes, we are all replaceable. But are we really?

In some areas of life, yes, we are, I know where I work, for the major telecommunications corporation, I am in fact replaceable. Truth be told, they would love to replace me, I have been there a long time, Tuesday was my 18th anniversary, I am at top pay and they would love it if I left.

In life though I don’t believe I am, as a mother I know I am not, this might sound egotistical, however, no one is going to love my children the way I do. No one will ever have the relationship with them that I do, they are my heart and I do believe it shows. As a Gigi I am not replaceable either, so there’s that.

As a wife I was totally replaceable, as a fiancé, yes, replaceable, as a girlfriend, yes, replaceable, those relationships in life have proven not to last.

As a friend, now that poses a good question, I don’t believe we can replace friends, I know I have friends that are totally irreplaceable. I have lost a friend to cancer and she was not replaceable, there was no trying mind you, it is a simple fact she was one of a kind and is missed every day.

If I owned my own business I might be irreplaceable, I would delegate and train people to take responsibility to run the company, but in the end it would be my signature on the checks. My decisions that would take the company in new directions and my leadership that would further the careers of all that worked there. I think, I don’t a company so I really don’t know.

So there you have it folks, there are some areas in life that we are replaceable and some not so much. Of course this is just my humble opinion and in the end doesn’t count for a hill of beans. As my mother would say, now there was a woman who was irreplaceable in so many areas of life. I also know in the body of Christ I am irreplaceable and will one day take my place in my eternal home, where conversations like these are a moo point. And yes, I meant moo, not a typo, it’s like a cow’s opinion, it doesn’t matter.

That’s all I have for now, will be writing more later, I miss this, I miss putting my thoughts down and spewing whatever happens to be in my head onto metaphorical paper.

 

Apr 12, 2015 - General    No Comments

Goals

This morning I put on a pair of capris that were too small last spring; I could not even fit my legs in them. I slipped them on today, and, well, verdict, they are a little too big, the waist is loose. How ‘bout that.

The 51st year of my life has not been that awesome so far, I have had a cyst on the top of my head, injured my arm and gave up coffee. My looks are fading fast, once 50 is gone, and now I am on the downside of life, I find my looks going. It’s sad, I can’t afford plastic surgery, however I can afford a hat with netting, for a mask, I don’t want to scare small children. I can only hope that when I die and go to heaven, I will be restored to when I was pretty. 17, I was really pretty at 17, I think that was the last time I was truly pretty. Having a hard life takes a toll on one; I have never had an easy life since birth. There was a period of about 5 years that life was genuinely not hard. I look back with fondness on that time.

My goal now is to be so skinny that people tell me I need to eat a sandwich, I have always had that goal, I have yet to achieve it. A work in progress, still, one would think after 51 years I would have achieved it, I am a slow worker. Takes time to get all of this fat off, I have about 100 more pounds to lose.

After giving up coffee for a total of 8 weeks, I know have coffee one day a week, I typically have it on Sundays, because that is the day that the Lord has made and I will enjoy His expression of love for me with coffee.

On the up side of things, the doctor was able to get the whole cyst out of my head without invasive surgery and my arm was fixable with visits to a sports medicine specialist and physical therapy.

I am quickly losing faith in humanity, Facebook has a lot to do with that, some things people say, all I can say is wow. It is one thing to spout ones opinion on things, however, I have always held to the belief that in order to have an opinion, one must read and do their research. If I had come to the dinner table spouting what some people do online my dad would have popped me in the mouth.

I am truly disheartened by humans these days, maybe we need an infusion of alien on earth, it couldn’t hurt and could help.

Everything I have seen on alien races (granted on television, movies and read in books) they appear to be enlightened, have conquered their emotions and war, hunger and disease is a thing of the past. Oh wait, no, that was Star Trek, ok, I would like us to accelerate to a future where we all just get along.  If we, as a human race could do that I would be extremely happy.

We are still fighting the same issues that have been fought over for hundreds of years; it’s old, very tiring and disturbing.

Right now I am watching a marathon of Reba, if only life were like a sitcom, where every problem could be worked out in 27 minutes. With a laugh track! That would be awesome; I would love to have a laugh track following me around. I am very funny and it would be nice to have that validated on a daily basis.

 

Mar 29, 2015 - General    No Comments

What I Gave Up

So, on Facebook, where we all know the good information is at, I read a post from a fellow Owassoan that made me think. He said that he met a man who lives in Owasso now and the man corrected him on the pronunciation of Owasso. You see there are two ways to pronounce it, if you are from Owasso, it is Owassuh, if you are not, it is Owasso. There is a distinction, my fellow Owassoan let him know, you might live there but you are not from there.

He was right, even though I did not live there from birth, I am from there, I claim it as my hometown. I hope the natives don’t mind that I claim the city for my hometown; it is where I came of age, where I learned many life lessons and where I finally had real parents.

I talk a lot about what Owasso gave me, I don’t really talk about what I gave up to gain all of the friendships, knowledge, parents, church home and life lessons. I gave up living in a city I loved; I gave up being in the Orchestra, being on the basketball team, the volleyball team and track. I gave up my cousins, all of them; I gave up my grandmother and great Aunt Effie, my aunts and uncles.

I know what you are thinking; I could have had many of those things in Owasso, yes to the sports, no to the music. There was no orchestra in the Owasso school system; I was so depressed I didn’t want to entertain the thought of joining the band. Even though I could play the clarinet, having also been in band in the City. For the first year I was there I was seriously depressed, I had one friend, and everyone in the school had been together since kindergarten. For the first time in my life I was an outsider, looking in, not really belonging, my parents, God bless them, took me back to the City almost every weekend for the first year. Oh, BTW, the City is what all native Oklahomans call Oklahoma City. So for the first year I went back there almost every weekend, to see my grandmother and great Aunt Effie and reconnect with friends.

Then something happened, I was in the library, in the 9th grade and I saw one of my classmates, not someone I knew well, still only had one friend, Tammi, but I said hi. He said hi, then asked me what I was doing that weekend, (not because he liked me, he was making small talk) before I could open my mouth he looked at me disdainfully and said let me guess, going to the City. I just nodded; I didn’t know anyone knew my business. He then said the words I will never forget, you’re missing it, you’re missing everything there is to do here, you’re missing out on freindships and life. Owasso is fun and you are not part of it, but you could be if you would quit running back to the City every chance you get.

That stopped me cold, I had serious thinking to do, I made a decision, I stopped going to the City all the time, started going to football games and the Skate Ranch. I made friends; I became an Owassoan, second best decision ever.

I don’t regret what I gave up because I gained so much, I love being from a place that has heart, that takes care of it’s own and doesn’t let you go once you become one of them.

I am now reconnected with my cousins and could not be happier, I am still a City girl by birth but an Owassoan by choice.

 

Mar 5, 2015 - General    No Comments

Finally, a Hug From God

I awoke to the most amazing sight, snow, wonderful fluffy snow, not to be fooled, underneath is pure ice, but the fluffy frosting is nothing short of a hug from God.

I am not the only one enamored of the white fluffiness that has enveloped us, Stormie is equally happy.

So this week is the last week of our challenge at IPT (Infinity Personal Training) and we all know what that means. Next week I can have coffee if I so choose to, there is the catch, if I choose to. I am a little scared, I have not had any for six weeks, I know I will have a reaction, the question is, will it be good or bad. I don’t want to go back to my pot a day habit; I do know that, I do believe I will continue to start my day with lemon water.

Right now I am drinking hot water with lemon (real lemons, not the fake “real” lemon juice they sell), local raw honey (I prefer Nature Nate’s, created and bottled in Frisco, TX) and since last week I have been adding a pinch of sea salt. I have to tell you that is amazing! I will continue this habit, it is just a great way to start the day, perhaps I will save coffee for the weekend. Not an every day thing, just a treat on Saturday and Sunday.

This challenge has shown me that I can do more than I thought and can change an old habit and create a new one. I feel stronger, more in control of my addictions, such as coffee and sugar, I overall feel better. I never thought I would say that I look forward to working out, but I do, I love going to IPT, I actually look forward to sweating! What is happening to me??? This is insanity, I may need help, someone check on that for me, is this some strange new disease?

This week the group challenge is 3000 reverse lunges; we will be doing 750 each as one of our teammates has a knee issue. Not a problem, we will get it done! I am 320 in and my goal for today is 300 more. Pray for me, my legs already hurt!

I discovered a new smoothie I am in love with, strawberries, dark chocolate, a teaspoon of honey, power greens, two scoops of protein powder and almond milk. I am in love, it is so amazingly good, I highly recommend it, it tastes like a chocolate strawberry shake. You have to try it!

 

Feb 28, 2015 - General    No Comments

Discombobulated

I have a confession to make, I love yoga pants, before you judge me, I don’t wear them anywhere but to work out and at home. I gotta tell ya, these are the most comfortable things I have ever put on. I LOVE them; once again will NEVER wear them to the store or anywhere but to work out and at home.

As I sit here, watching Star Trek (J.J. Abrams version) I am reminded how much I love the character of Spock, and all of them. I know a lot of original fans of TOS (for those of you not in the know, that stands for The Original Series) they abhor this carnation of the universe that they are so fond of.

As for me, I take it for what it is, a version, someone else’s vision of what this would look like if something catastrophic happened. It is a different timeline, the personalities are there, however different happenings have shaped them and the trajectory of their lives. Please note though, they all come together, they are all still on board the Enterprise. Seeing it, seeing the two Spock’s is like wrapping ones self in a warm fuzzy blanket.

This entry will be filled with randomness as I am feeling discombobulated, I feel as if I have lost a friend, someone who gave me hope through out a rough middle childhood. So my thoughts are a bit scattered at the moment.

I lost an uncle last week,

While, as an adult, I didn’t know him that well, I will admit that, when I was very young he was one of my favorites and he is the father of my favorite male cousin. My uncle was the one who influenced the trajectory of my life when I made the decision to take my Aunt Odela (who became my mother) up on her offer to “visit” her and my Uncle Foy (who became my father) in Owasso. Please see that story here http://www.angieworld.com/2012/08/my-life-story-sorta/, I have a lot to thank him for as it was the single best decision that I ever made.

It gave me Owasso, it gave me the best friend a person could ever have, it gave me the best parents, the best church to grow up in, it gave me the most amazing children a person has ever been privileged enough to have. I owe a lot to that Uncle and I will be going to his memorial next weekend to say a proper thank you and goodbye to him. After all it’s only logical, sorry had to throw that in.

Last week I also had to go to the doctor, I had a cyst on the top of my head; yes you read that correctly. It was painful and disgusting, however the doctor was able to get the whole thing and I do not have to go to a surgeon. Now I have to go to a doctor for my hurting elbow, I don’t even know what is going on; I am supposed to be getting stronger, not falling apart!

 

Feb 27, 2015 - General    No Comments

Live Long and Prosper

I was sitting at work, helping a customer, when news crawl on the bottom of the big screen at work came across with the words I did not expect to see. Leonard Nimoy was gone; the world lost the first logical character on television.

I was momentarily shocked; I gathered myself and continued on with my call, as that is what we do at the major telecommunications corporation. We put our emotions behind us while we do our jobs.

As I processed the news, and it began to really sink in, I felt lost and empty; Star Trek has been a big part of my life since I can remember. I first saw the show when I was 4 years old and fell in love.

It came to mean more to me over the years, from the time I was five until I was 12, my childhood was, how shall I put this, difficult. I don’t talk about it, because it is of the past, but it was this time period that television became a huge part of my life. Television, along with books became my escapism, I learned at an early age I could take myself outside of the chaos that was my life and go to other places.

Star Trek was especially wonderful, I could go to other planets, and it had a figure that was logical, Spock brought logic into my chaotic, unbalanced world. He made everything right, he was my touchstone, I could always rely on his character to be the center of morality and he made sense.

As I grew older, my love for Star Trek and the character Spock has only grown, I didn’t outgrow science fiction, I grew up in it.

Losing Leonard Nimoy is like losing an old friend, my heart is hurt, I wish I could have met him, to tell him what his portrayal of Spock meant to that little girl. How the character influenced my thought process, how he gave me calmness and logic in the midst of chaos and instability.

This day has been a rough one, but then God brought the snow and somehow that is comforting. Snow is the great equalizer; it will blanket everything and make the world beautiful. How fitting that should happen on the day we lose Spock to the great heavens in the sky.

One final time he is being beamed up, and we are all richer for his being on this earth for as long as he was.

LLAP

Feb 19, 2015 - General    No Comments

Fruits of the Spirit

On Saturday, Valentines Day, our Ladies that Lunch gathered for our celebration of the day. We gathered at the Chocolate Angel in the Antique Mall in Plano, it is a lovely place with awesome food.

My friend Wanda gave us all Valentines gifts, she had gotten the Nine Fruits of the Spirit books, each book was a different gift. She wrapped them and gave them out, now, after wrapping them she didn’t know which person would get which book. As it turns out, as each of us opened our gifts, we all said, oh this is something I struggle with.

It’s funny how God always knows what we need when we need it, I know what you are wondering, which did I get. Well I got kindness, which is something I struggle with, as I have a naturally acerbic personality.

When someone says something I deem, well, stupid, I have a tendency to want to call him or her on it. I have to stop myself, when I was younger I didn’t always do that, with disastrous results.

As I grow, I don’t like the word older, hmmm how about more mature, I realize that the need to call people out on things they say is actually demeaning to the person saying it. There is no need to hurt people emotionally or verbally, we each have our own demons to deal with, no one needs me as another.

I will be going through the devotional and work on being kinder to my fellow humans.

I once went through a study of the Gifts of the Spirit, which is different than Fruits of the Spirit, I had three equal Gifts, Prophecy, Wisdom and Faith, sometimes I see them come out and I am awed because I know they are not from me, they are from Him.

I would urge everyone to find out their Gifts and Fruits, I have never engaged in a study of the Fruits, I would be interested to find out what mine are.

I know they are ever changing, Gifts and Fruits from God are not static, and they change, as He needs you to change. I know several that I have never been blessed with, patience has never been one of mine, I know that for a fact.

I can say Joy has been mine, I can say that with certainty, and Faithfulness, those two are a constant within me.

I would be interested to know if anyone out there has ever really thought about this and what you consider yours to be and if you struggle with something in particular.

I’ll sign off for now, I hope to hear from you all.

 

Feb 17, 2015 - General    No Comments

No Snow

Well last week was it, the week of my birthday, I turned 51, yes, I said it, 51, what an interesting age this is. Especially shopping for clothes, they are either too old or too young; it is disheartening. Especially as I continue to lose weight, I want cute clothes, not old woman clothes.

I don’t want to dress dowdy, I want to wear cute, fitted jeans, I don’t want to wear loose clothing. I do like pajamas, however, I can’t wear those outside the house, which is one rule I will never break. Elizabeth Anne, take heed, never, ever let me leave the house in pajamas when I am senile. Make sure I have real clothes on.

I took the week off of work and it was glorious, I had a lot of lunches, I napped, I spent time with two of my children and Tessa.

I was never much of a nap person, until last week, I found them lovely, considering I was up early and working out the nap was awesome.

Speaking of working out, I have lost another 6 pounds and 8 inches overall, I continue to shrink and what is even better I continue to gain strength.

I did have cake, but that was on Valentines Day, at the Chocolate Angel, my good friend Wanda arranged a couples dinner and we were on the invite list.

It was so much fun, there were 7 couples and I only knew two of them, the others were so fun. They were engaging, witty and like me, they seemed like they had never met a stranger.

It was fun getting dressed up in one of my Tahari dresses and heels and having a wonderful meal with great conversation.

I also had a Friday the 13th last week; those are my favorite days as they are good luck days in my family.

The only thing that put a damper on my week was no snow; this year I did not get snow on my birthday. At first I felt neglected, it is after all how God shows me He loves me. At least that is what my mom always told me, snow is my friend, it comforts me, it turns everything drab and ugly into a glistening wonderful world. Filled with hushed silence and a weight that envelopes one, it simply speaks of love without saying a word.

I have to think that perhaps someone up North needed it more than I this year, maybe they were particularly lonely and needed the cool embrace that comes with snow. I’ll never know, I just shall pin my hopes on next year.

Well, I am off now, to more torture at Infinity Personal Training, where I sweat the weight away and get into zombie fighting shape.

 

 

 

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