Senior Dating

Courtesy of Wanda Lewis:

Beatrice and Edna, two ‘senior’ widows, are talking.

Beatrice: ‘That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.’

Edna: ‘Well, I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!  Then he takes me downstairs, and what’s there but a luxury car…A limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.  Then he takes me out for dinner… A marvelous dinner… Lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!  So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.  Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times! ‘

Beatrice: ‘Goodness gracious!… So you are telling me I shouldn’t go out with him?’

Edna: ‘No, no, no… I’m just saying, wear an old dress.’

Time Travel

Last week I was talking to friend of mine who got married a while back, my friend was saying how sometimes they missed their single self. I immediately responded I miss 16 year old Angie.

Then I started thinking, I really do miss her. She was absolutely, totally fearless. Faced every day with the expectation that it was going to be amazing and wonderful. She was right the majority of the time, you have to account for normal teenage angst in there.

So, being who I am, I decided to do a little time traveling. No, I do not own a Delorian, or a flux capacitor. I have a Ford…

I put on my wide legged jeans, hoop earrings, tons of lipgloss, sparkle eyeshadow (I don’t own blue, however, have found a copious amount of sparkles covers a ton of sins) and got my hair as close to Farrah hair as possible.

Got into my car, sans cell phone, 16 year old Angie didn’t even know what that would be! Backed out of my garage and turned on the radio. There is this great station that plays nothing but ’70’s music.

To my great delight More, More, More by Andrea True Connection was playing, I turned it up so loud the car pulsated, next was Todd Rundgren, love, love, love him, I was rewarded next with Peter Frampton.

I was 16 again, carefree, slightly wild and always perfectly coiffed. As I drove down the street I didn’t think about bills, work, kids, politics, war, famine, death, taxes or dinner. It all melted away.

I drove for about 20 minutes, enjoying in every indulgent second.

As I pulled back into the garage the ’70’s melted away and I was back in good old 2008. I wondered if I would miss it as I walked into the house.

My 17 year old son was waiting for me, gave me a huge hug, announced the cats had thrown up and he was leaving. I found I didn’t miss 16 year old Angie as much as I thought I would. She is great to visit, fun to reminisce with, however, I love my life, my children and who I am now.

I highly recommend time travel, however, I suggest you only do it in 20 minute increments, anything longer and you might not find your way back.

Marriage

Thank You Gladys for this!!!

How to tell you are married…

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and
decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over
their eyes.

After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my life I love you.’ Then we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother’s house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,

‘What’s for dinner, Batman

Music

I have a new favorite song. I know that you are all surprised by this new development and may wonder why it is news worthy

It is the new Kidd Rock song, All Summer Long. See lyrics below:

Kid Rock All Summer Long Lyrics
Songwriters: Marinell, Leroy; Wachtel, Robert; Zevon, Warren; Ritchie, R J; Shafer, M; King, E; Rossington, Gary; Vanzant, R;

It was 1989, my thoughts were short my hair was long
Caught somewhere between a boy and man
She was seventeen and she was far from in-between
It was summertime in Northern Michigan

Ahh Ahh Ahh
Ahh Ahh Ahh

Splashing through the sand bar
Talking by the campfire
It’s the simple things in life, like when and where
We didn’t have no internet
But man I never will forget
The way the moonlight shined upon her hair

[Chorus:]
And we were trying different things
We were smoking funny things
Making love out by the lake to our favorite song
Sipping whiskey out the bottle, not thinking ’bout tomorrow
Singing Sweet home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet home Alabama all summer long

Catching Walleye from the dock
Watching the waves roll off the rocks
She’ll forever hold a spot inside my soul
We’d blister in the sun
We couldn’t wait for night to come
To hit that sand and play some rock and roll

While we were trying different things
And we were smoking funny things
Making love out by the lake to our favorite song
Sipping whiskey out the bottle, not thinking ’bout tomorrow
Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long

Now nothing seems as strange as when the leaves began to change
Or how we thought those days would never end
Sometimes I’ll hear that song and I’ll start to sing along
And think man I’d love to see that girl again

[Repeat Chorus x2]

Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long

—–

If you changed 1989 to 1981 and Northern Michigan to Northern Oklahoma and all the she’s to he’s and well you get the point this could have been my summer! Almost, some differences…

This song is the most amazing thing ever, any song that samples Werewolves of London and Sweet Home Alabama! OMG, seriously amazing.
I am not usually a huge Kidd Rock fan but he really out did himself with this piece.
I love it!
If I had music on this site I would have this song playing.

10 WAYS TO BE AN EVEN BETTER FRIEND

By Kimberly Bonnell & Pamela Redmond Satran

As seen in the current issue of Glamour:

 

Gossip, yes, but don’t get mean.  She’ll wonder whether you’re talking that way about her to everyone else.

If she’s got a poppy seed in her teeth, mascara under her eyes or deodorant on her sweater, tell her!

Do not, repeat, do not side with her mother.

If she’s crazy about him pretend he’s your brother and never date him. EVER

Have that scary fight about how she’s been bugging you. If you can go there for a guy, you can for her too.

Oh, just wear the bridesmaid’s dress.

Remind her that she wasn’t that into him, either.

See straight through her attempt at cool perfection and lover her more for the weaknesses she’s trying to hide.

Keep her ring size filed away in case you-know-who calls for advice about you-know-what.

When the guy dumps her, the cat gets cancer, the job explodes, simply be there.

Greek Gods and Goddesses

When I was in the fifth grade I read Homer’s The Iliad, I was so hooked! I began to read everything I could get my hands on regarding the ancient gods and goddesses. I watched every film ever made regarding the subject. Even the cheesy ones and those were plentiful. I decided that when I grew up I wanted to be a demi-goddess, I chose demi-goddess because I wanted to look youthful for a long time, however I did not want to live forever. That would mean outliving any children I might have in the future (remember I was 11 at the time). I tried to find the exact goddess I wanted to be, there was none that really fit the bill. I decided to make up my own. I wanted to be a time traveler, not to change history mind you, more of an observer of history. I had no desire to travel to the future. As I grew up I realized that I was not going to achieve that goal, I did manage to achieve the youthful looking part however. So, I decided that I wanted to be a historian, an observer of events if you will. You should have seen the look on my father’s face when I revealed that goal. He told me there was no way I could make a living from it. But it would make a nice hobby. He then said you should be an accountant. LOL. OMG! The absolute horror! He should have known better than to make that comment, he knew I could not add two plus two. I absolutely hate numbers. Well I grew up, got married, had a passel of kids, got a divorce, did not become an official historian, nor did I achieve the goal of demi-goddess. However, I have achieved motherhood, friend (I have really good friends!), nerd with geeky tendencies, and all around American Woman. I think that is good for now. I still have yet to grow up so I may just yet achieve the goal of demi-goddess, you never know. They have made really good advances in modern science lately….. Oh I never told my dad about wanting to follow the path of the greek gods. He was a Baptist Deacon…. He would never have understood that one!

perfect outfit day

Ok, so, today was perfect outfit day.

What is the perfect outfit you might ask, well; allow me to answer that intriguing question.

I found the most amazing jeans at victoriassecret.com; they are called 70’s jeans. They totally rock, the waist is just high enough and the bell is the perfect circumference. Top that with a white blouse from The Limited, add a red paten leather Kenneth Cole belt and you have the perfect outfit.

For those of you lucky enough to have seen me, any thoughts on perfect outfit day?

Pregnancy, Estrogen and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s
borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor,
but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?  
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.    

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife
is in labor?
A: Not unless the word ‘alimony’ means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

‘ESTROGEN ISSUES’

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE ‘ESTROGEN ISSUES’

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to e verything you say.
5. You ‘re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker
that says: ‘How’s my driving-call 1- 800-‘.
6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from ‘outer space.’
9. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats’ facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Movie News

I know I went on a little bit of a tirade yesterday about Wonder Woman and no one wants to hear more about her, however, check this out:

http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/91657

 

Now this is not new news, but I am hoping it is a step in the right direction, I would love to see a Superhero movie about a woman. Yes, I know there are women heros in the X Men series, but that is an ensemble. I want to see one as the lead.

Enough about that, I just watched Stargate SG-1 Continuum. So good! OMG Don S. Davis! I miss him! I still cannot believe he is dead. He was so young. It was a great homage to the television show. I miss that show also. I am a huge fan of the Stargate franchise and well, Michael Shanks. He is just so freakin cute! He is totally on my list. Right under Dean Cain and Joss Whedon. I am not going into detail about the movie just yet as it just came out on DVD Tuesday. I am going to wait a few weeks, I don’t want to give anything away. Just know that if you loved the show or even liked it a little you will love this movie. The Ark of Truth was good, this is better. The Ark of Truth tied up loose ends. This is just for the pure joy of it.

Today is the first day of my weekend. For those of you who don’t know I work 4 days a week and have 3 off. Today was my lazy day, tomorrow I tackle laundry. Going up and down the stairs to put things away will be a great workout in itself. Ok, I am going back to my diet coke and my new book.  TTFN

Wonder Woman

This morning I was discussing Wonder Woman with a friend of mine, it was probably a Starbucks induced conversation as today is pseudo Friday and Starbucks day. However, I think that I came up with some really amazing insights as to why Wonder Woman has endured for so many years.

First she is a strong role model, she is independent, strong, thought provoking (different thoughts for different sexes), outspoken and let’s not forget fashion forward.

Yes, fashion forward. I believe my very first fashion influence was Wonder Woman. To this day I love boots, cannot get enough boots. I even own WW boots, now I had to go to a “dancer” website to find them, but I love them, I have yet to figure out how to wear them in the real world. I did wear them for Halloween; I dressed up as WW for Halloween one year. I may post that picture later. The strapless outfit influenced evening wear and even sundresses. We did not have strapless evening wear until WW made her appearance.

Her hair, the dark flowing tresses; we did not have a dark haired role model until WW. We had the blondes of the world. That was considered the “norm” for beauty.

Even her alter ego Diana was a strong woman, she never backed down to Steve Trevor, and she too had a fashion sense that could not be denied. I love the longer pencil skirts with ankle strap shoes.

This imaginary woman was a huge influence in my developmental years. She taught me to stand up for myself and others without being obnoxious and hurtful. She taught me that fashion was an extension of who you are.

To finish the thought she just freakin Rocks!