Thoughts

I love Christmas, I do believe I have said that before, I say it a lot, because I do, sincerely, with my whole heart. However, this time of year is hard, it is hard on a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, for me it is because I miss so many people. I tend to be more nostalgic this time of year, thinking back to Christmas’ past, where I perceived things to have been perfect. Mostly pulling memories from my childhood, I remember Christmas spent at my grandparents, when all of my cousins would be there, I don’t really remember the presents, I remember the warmth. The joy, the merriment of all of us being together. I remember how happy I would get when my cousins Cindy and Pat would walk through the door. I remember the smells of the food, I remember the laughter of the adults and the hugs from my grandpa and my favorite aunts and uncles.
The thing that I love doing the most at Christmas time I have not done in years, it is the only activity that really requires someone to do it with you. I love looking at Christmas lights, however if you drive around alone you just look like your casing places. I used to take my children, but then one year all three of them told me they hated doing it. So I stopped torturing them and I have not gone since. I miss it, I really do love seeing the lights and playing Christmas music on the radio, however, it is the one thing I will not do alone. It just looks and feels weird, I have no one to do it with me, so it makes me sad to not do it, and that is when emotion overtakes me.
We have our celebration on Christmas Eve, this year will be no different, I often wonder if there will come a day when my children tell me they no longer want to do that. I hope not, I will miss that terribly, if that ever happens I will probably stop celebrating all together. I don’t say this to have anyone feel sorry for me, it is just a simple fact.
i have not put up my tree this year, I probably wont, there is no one here besides me that would enjoy it anyway, so why bother. I have a couple of Santa’s that I have out year round, they belonged to my good friend Sandi, I don’t put them up because they remind me of her and it comforts me.
This year will all of the horror in the world, I hope everyone takes the time to tell the people who are important to them that they love them and how much they mean to them.

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