Sophistication

I was reading a book where one of the characters is sophisticated, beautiful and always in control of herself. She is not the heroine of the story, rather the bad guy, however, this is the character I have always wanted to be. Not the bad guy, just the sophisticated and beautiful and in control of my every move person.
Needless to say that is not me, I am by turns awkward, gauche, loud, obnoxious and well not beautiful. My mother was kind, gentle, gracious, a lady by the very definition of the word. I would love to be more like her as well, if I could be sophisticated and gracious that would be a bonus. I don’t think it is going to happen at this late date in my life.
Elizabeth Anne can regale one for hours with stories of my clumsiness, as she has been a witness to the majority of my embarrassing moments. It never fails something always happens to the delight of Elizabeth. I am very happy I can amuse at least one member of my family. How many glass doors have I walked into now? Too many to count.
I often wonder what people think of me, if they laugh behind my back because of my shortcomings. Or if they feel bad for me due to my lack of any social graces.
I have friends who exude sophistication, I am so envious of them, I don’t know how they pull it off. It begs the question, is one born with that particular gift? Or is it a learned behavior? If it is learned, can someone please teach me? Although I admit I am a little old to learn, and I will never be beautiful without the help of a good surgeon. I need to win the lottery because I have about $100,000.00 worth of procedures that need to be done. I am a mess.
On an upside, this weekend has been filled with books and television, I really believe I could be a hermit. I did go to a friends Saturday night for a glass of wine and looting, I looted her shoe closet. I stole two pairs.

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