Life musings

I am feeling discombobulated today, I found out some very discerning news on Saturday. A man used to work with, his wife passed away. The only thing anyone knows is that they went to bed and when he woke up, she was gone. No history of illness, no hint, nothing. She was 47 years old. I find this disturbing on so many levels. First I am so sorry for his loss, and his children’s loss. To lose their mother like that, just so sudden, and for him to lose his wife so suddenly, just horrifying. I cannot imagine waking up and finding the person you love lying next to you dead. My heart goes out to the whole family.
So now I am thinking of mortality and death and age, my birthday is imminent, my birthday month starts tomorrow, Elizabeth kicks it off with her birthday. Tomorrow, I shall recount the day she was born, and I don’t care how many times I have told it.
Now instead of being excited about my birthday I am wary, what if I die like that. I’m not ready to go; I have too much to do. We live until we are 100 or longer, I can’t go now, I had so many plans! I have so much to experience! I think when something like this happens it teaches us that life is indeed short and we need to do the things we want to now. Not wait for someday or tomorrow or down the road. We need to do them now. I don’t mean crazy things, I have no desire to jump out of a plane or climb a mountain.
I want to travel, I want to write a book, I want to take dance lessons, I still want to be the best mom in the world. That one is not attainable, my mom holds that title, but I can still work toward it. I want to have a job that I love doing, that I want to get up for everyday, jump out of bed and not be tempted to call in and take a vacation day.
Is there anything you want to do, things that if you did not do you would regret them?

Leave a Reply