Single Motherhood

I have been a single mother since 1993, so I feel that I can speak on this subject with some authority. When I got a divorce I made a very conscious decision that my children would come first in my life. You see they didn’t choose to be here, their father and I decided that they should be in this world. It was a responsibility that I took very seriously.
I had seen the new reports about child abuse and child killers, the majority of the time it was the mother’s boyfriend or the step-father that was the culprit. Now I am not saying all new boyfriends or step-fathers are bad, I am saying that I made a conscious decision to not take a chance that would happen.
I carefully vetted anyone who was going to be around my children, friends and family. I was always incredibly picky about the people that I exposed my children to. There are members of my family that my children will never meet, even as adults.
I resolved I would not be the mother who had the revolving door of men, having one in the front door while the last one was leaving out of the back. Metaphorically speaking, I seriously hope no one does that literally.
I wanted my house to be a safe haven for my children, they knew what they were coming home to every day, they never had to guess what or who would meet them at the door. I have to say I am happy that was the decision I made, to focus on being their mother.
Don’t get me wrong, I did go out with my friends, on the weekends they were with their dad. However, there wasn’t a lot of time for that normally, at one point I was working two jobs and going to school full time. Then when I wasn’t going to school, I had my full time job, my Mary Kay career, I taught Sunday School, and then there were the activities of the kids. That did not stop just because they were at their dad’s house. There were soccer games, football games, cheerleading, art classes, and dance classes, driving lessons, guitar lessons, band concerts and orchestra concerts. There is so much going on when you have children. I don’t know who has time to date!
I can’t second guess how I parented at this late date as they are all grown now; however, I do second guess myself all the time. I can only hope I made the right choice.

4 Replies to “Single Motherhood”

  1. Good Post.

    As you know I am also a single mother. I think when it comes to being a parent you have to put the needs of your child(children) ahead of your own. My son is almost 10 and probably thinks I have the most boring life. When I got pregnant with him I resolved to put him first as well. I won’t say that I’ve always been a saint or anything (but who has) but I put away all that when my son came along. I too have been really busy here lately and don’t have a whole lot of time for dating. I’m at the point in my life where my son’s needs both present and future are considered when I date. I want to be married, but I don’t want my son to have a step parent like the one I had. We as parents, especially women need to be more selective over who we have around our kids. Also, stop bringing men/women around your kids from day 1. If you are just dating and don’t even know where its going, why do your kids need to meet them or even see them? Oh and your comment about the revolving door…I’ve known a woman or two like that. I knew this girl (I’ll call her that because that’s what she acted like) who was dating her husbands best friend and living with him, but having sex with someone else in his house. The worst part is that her son walked in on them. He didn’t know what was going on. He was just looking for his mother. I think he was probably 9 or 10 at the time. She got mad at the son. I mean come on. PUT THESE KIDS FIRST!!!

  2. I always tell my friends about you and that you are by far the best mom I’ve ever met (and I’m not just saying that). To bad more kids don’t have a mom like you!

  3. Hey this is a great post. I’m going to email this to my friends. I stumbled on this while surfing for some freebies, I’ll be sure to come back. thanks for sharing.

  4. What a great post. The more I read on this site the more I like it. Simple, straightforward advice and it works.

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