For most of my life, well all of it, I have had no internal filter. You know the filter that tells you not to say certain things or react a certain way. The filters I have in place now are a learned behavior. It is not a natural part of my personality. I admire the people who seem to have that natural filter. When I was younger it tended to get me into a lot of trouble. I still have a tendency to be brutally honest with people. I’ll give you an example.
There is a woman here at work that is the worst mother, not that she beats her children, or starves them. The way she is the worst mother is she has men in and out of her house with the children there. The men spend the night in her bedroom; she even leaves her children alone with these men. She often wonders why her son has anger issues toward her and seemingly all females. When he was eight years old he put a metal pole through the computer, he was aiming for his sister. He behaves perfectly at his father’s house. The mother clueless as to why her son is so angry with her and all females. My manufactured filter went away and I told her exactly why he was so angry, did I mention she allowed her then 13 year old daughter to have boys in her bedroom with the door closed. She is 15 now and pregnant. When the filter crumbled I explained to her exactly what was wrong with her family dynamic. Needless to say she did not appreciate that. Not big losses having that person not speak to me. In fact it is a relief not to hear how horrendously she is mothering her children. Although I do fear for all of us when she unleashes those beasts she has created into the world.
Another time the filter has crumbled was with the health insurance company. I was trying to be diplomatic as I needed them to cover my daughter’s medication. However, after being on the phone for over an hour I lost it. I told the woman what I thought about the policies and how difficult they made it to be civil, and then I lost my civility. I won’t go into details, however it was not pretty.
I did get the medication covered. I am not saying that excuses my behavior, however, sometimes you have to lose your filter to get things done.
Now and again, the filter crumbles, and I say things I probably shouldn’t. I have a feeling I am not the only one that happens to. Any thoughts out there? Filtered of course!

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