Dieting

How long has there been a huge craze to be thin? Perhaps it all started when we no longer wore corsets to hold everything in. I do know that before the civil war a 20 inch waist was the desired. I just want my 26 inch waist back!
I have been obsessed with being as thin as I could possibly be since I was 12 years old, that is when my cousin told me I had put on weight, and since he was my favorite cousin I took it to heart. I have been eating celery ever since.
So this is nothing new for me, the desire to be, well, Paris Hilton thin. Don’t get me wrong, I do think I look good, however, I totally could stand to lose about 100 pounds. I say 100 because I don’t want people to guess how much I weigh. Right now I have cottage cheese for breakfast and yogurt for lunch, sometimes tuna, and fish for dinner, sometimes a grapefruit. I can tell it is working. My clothes are getting looser. Since I like fitted jeans I will be needing new ones soon. I have gone from 500 calories a day to 900. The 500 was to really cleanse my body of toxins. My eating habits were out of control, candy every day, ice cream, chocolate. Nothing healthy. Now I am correcting that huge months long binge. I don’t know why I let it get out of control.
Now my goal is to look good for the mini reunion and non-reunion, I don’t want people who have not seen me since 1993 to look at me and say OMG she really let herself go. I was soooooooo obsessed with my looks in high school. I would spend hours on my hair and makeup every day. EVERY day. I am not even exaggerating about that. I would exercise constantly, doing sit ups and running in place. My senior year, I lived on celery, I would have it for breakfast. I wanted to look like my BFF Tammi so bad. I was so jealous of her naturally thin looks. Not hateful jealous, just, wow I wish I could look like that jealous. I have never ever achieved that. After my daughter Elizabeth was born, I did get down to a size 4. Major achievement. But it takes a lot to maintain that and then I got pregnant again. So that size was out the window. Of course it never helped at that time that I had a husband telling me I was fat all the time, yes, even at a size 4 he told me that. So, my obsession grew, and here we are, today, me still obsessed with my size. I can only hope that I will be like the women in my family and be a tiny old woman who can eat whatever they want and still remain tiny.

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