Pregnancy, Estrogen and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s
borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor,
but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?  
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.    

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife
is in labor?
A: Not unless the word ‘alimony’ means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

‘ESTROGEN ISSUES’

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE ‘ESTROGEN ISSUES’

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to e verything you say.
5. You ‘re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker
that says: ‘How’s my driving-call 1- 800-‘.
6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from ‘outer space.’
9. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats’ facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

4 Replies to “Pregnancy, Estrogen and Women”

  1. 11 things you don’t know about men…

    1. Getting angry at us for not reading your mind is like getting angry at yourself for not being able to fly. It’s not just futile, it’s physically impossible.

    2. Yes, we do think Jessica Alba is hot. Sometimes we’re even dumb enough to admit it.

    3. Don’t ask us to understand your shoe fetish. Asking us to respect it is even sort of pushing it.

    4. You do look good without makeup, just not as good as you look with it.

    5. Ever notice how we don’t fight with our male friends? That’s why we get so frustrated when we fight with you.

    6. You care what you’re wearing infinitely more than we do. In fact, if you’re naked when you open the front door, you won’t hear an argument from us.

    7. You don’t like to get hit on in public, you don’t want to date online and you don’t want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting. Because if it is, we’re all over it.

    8. There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I propose 24 hours.

    9. Cooking dinner for a man is like buying flowers for a woman, except it takes a lot more time, effort and thought for you to do it. Thanks. We appreciate it.

    10. We actually like your girly pet-names for us, but please, not in front of the guys!

    11. Just because we like looking at the women in Maxim doesn’t mean we want to actually converse with the women in Maxim. Not for long, anyway.

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